I won't let it stop me from Rebuilding

Over the summer, I quietly honored a date I never thought would affect me the way it did.

Twenty years ago, I said "I do."

Instead of celebrating what could have been, I found myself honoring what I survived.

For years, I questioned my own reality. I minimized things. I made excuses. I hoped things would change. Looking back now, I see a woman who was trying to hold together something that was breaking her.

Writing this poem wasn't about bitterness. It wasn't about revenge. It was about giving a voice to the version of me who lived in fear and reminding her that she made it.

Some anniversaries aren't meant to be celebrated. They're meant to remind us how far we've come.

If you're carrying the weight of a past that still finds you on certain dates, know this: you can honor the pain without living in it. You can grieve what should have been while still being grateful for where you are today.

I survived the past. Now I'm building the future I deserve.

20 years…

Wow….

Crazy to think today would have marked 20 years with you. 

And my first thought was……

“I’m so glad I’m not celebrating it because if I stayed I don't know if I would have made it to 20….”

Why?

Cause I know you hated me.

How you treated me made me feel you would have put a bullet in my head if I stayed.

God, I'm so thankful I saw that look in your eyes.

The look of pure evil. Dark. Absence of a soul.

That look showed me where I stood with you.

It was a battle, I was the enemy, but I never asked to battle.

I asked for love

Kindness.

Connection.

But that wasn’t what you wanted..you wanted control.

So I chose myself and our kids.

And even though this road has come with hills and curves,.

I will pick up all the pieces you crushed,

I will do so with grace 

And will keep doing so 

Because today is the one day I regret 20 years ago

But I am still moving forward…

You are enough and don't let anything stop you from rebuilding the life you need and want. <3