The Silent Struggles of Mental and Emotional Abuse

Christina Pavella
Sep 16
6 min read

According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, over 1 in 3 women (35.6%) and 1 in 4 men (28.5%) in the US have experienced rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime. Survivors are 3 times as likely to meet the criteria for PTSD. Survivors are 2 times more likely to develop symptoms of depression and 3 times more likely to develop a major depressive order. Survivors are 6 times more likely to have a substance use disorder. and the statistics can go on and on.

But Mental and Emotional abuse is often overlooked, yet its impact can be deep and lasting. Unlike physical abuse, which leaves visible scars, mental and emotional abuse can be more damaging and often goes unnoticed by others, but many more suffer from emotional abuse due to be hard to see. Understanding its effects is important for both victims and their supporters. This was something that I had to educate myself and supporters with on as this was a huge part of the abuse me and my children endured. So, follow along as this post aims to explore the complexities of mental and emotional abuse, its signs, effects, and ways to cope and seek help.

Defining Mental and Emotional Abuse

Mental and emotional abuse refers to a pattern of behavior that damages an individual's sense of self-worth and emotional health. It can come in various forms, including:

Verbal Abuse: This includes insults, constant criticism, and belittling comments, which can severely damage a person's self-esteem. For instance, a partner may repeatedly call the victim "stupid," leading them to believe they cannot do anything right.
Manipulation: Abusers often use guilt, shame, or fear to control their victims. They may make their partners feel responsible for the abuser's emotions, distorting the victim's sense of reality. Gaslighting is a psychological manipulation tactic in which one person seeks to make another doubt their own perceptions, memories, or understanding of reality. This often leads the victim to feel confused, anxious, and unable to trust their own judgment. For example, if an abuser expresses extreme anger when criticized, the victim might begin to avoid speaking their mind altogether or the partner might say, "I never said that. You're just imagining things," leading the victim to question their memory and perception of the situation.
Isolation: Abusers may attempt to cut off their victims from friends and family, creating a sense of dependency on them. A common scenario is when an abuser discourages social outings or actively participates in driving a wedge between the survivor and their support system, making it harder for the survivor to seek help.

Recognizing these forms of abuse is the first step toward understanding its impact. I remember sitting there years ago feeling the weight of all of these forms. I felt like I had nothing to offer, silenced and totally alone.

Signs and Symptoms

Identifying the signs of mental and emotional abuse can be challenging, especially since they may present in subtle ways. Common signs include:

Low Self-Esteem: Survivors may often voice feelings of worthlessness or inadequacy, feeling they are not good enough.
Anxiety and Depression: Many individuals suffer from increased anxiety or depression due to ongoing abuse. We get fearful about how the abuser may react, what is the right thing to say and then depression as we feel as if we don't matter and our voices aren't heard.
Social Withdrawal: Victims may isolate from friends and family, feeling ashamed or frightened of judgment. This social withdrawal can worsen their situation as they lose supportive networks. I remember the months before I left, I felt I had no one. I had no interest to go be social and just wanted to be invisible. and it was tough as I was someone who loved to be out and be the life of the party.
Difficulty Making Decisions: Continuous manipulation can lead to confusion and an inability to trust their judgment. People may find it hard to make even small decisions without wondering how the abuser will react.

These signs can affect daily life, impacting work performance, social interactions, and overall happiness.

Short-term and Long-term Effects

The immediate effects of mental and emotional abuse can be severe. Victims may experience:

Emotional Distress: Overwhelming feelings of sadness, anger, or confusion can overshadow daily life. One qualitative study found that approximately 90% of participants reported experiencing emotional pain followed by physical symptoms.
Physical Symptoms: Stress and anxiety can manifest as headaches, fatigue, and other physical ailments. A significant portion of abuse victims reported chronic pain and fatigue, often linked to the stress of their situation.

In the long term, the consequences can be even more serious. Victims may struggle with:

Damaged Relationships: Trust issues can arise, which might hinder forming healthy relationships in the future. Research shows that 70% of those who experience emotional abuse in one relationship may carry those issues into their next relationship.
Low Self-Esteem: Persistent abuse can create lasting feelings of worthlessness that might take years to overcome. Oh man, I had no self-esteem when I left. I felt like nothing. And didn't help how others treat you when you leave relationships that were predominately mental and emotionally abused based. no scars so people can see the damaged that happened. but they were there, just tucked in my mind. my brain changed from it. Sadly no one sees that unless you have stamped on you your MRIs of how your brain changed.
Mental Health Disorders: Many individuals develop anxiety disorders, depression, or PTSD/CPTSD as a result of their experiences. Studies indicate that nearly 50% of individuals who experience abuse will develop a mental health condition. I remember 9 months after leaving my abuser having the therapist immediately during evaluation give me the CPTSD diagnosis. it was such a tough diagnosis to get. I didn't want that and had no clue that all the traumatic events would leave me in a mindset so crumbled, it was heavy to carry at first. But in time and not placing blame on me and deciding to educate and find ways to lessen the symptoms have truly got me in the space to say now to you, YOU will get better, YOU will get past this, and YOU can live a safe and comforting life.
https://keepkidssafe.org/effects-of-child-abuse/

Understanding these effects is essential for recognizing the need for support and healing.

Real-Life Experiences

To illustrate the real-life impact of mental and emotional abuse, let's consider my own story.

For eight long years, I endured emotional and mental abuse that left me feeling as if I was at the bottom of the barrel. My abuser constantly belittled me, often calling me "crazy" whenever I expressed my feelings or concerns. This relentless verbal onslaught eroded my self-esteem and made me question my own reality.

Initially, I believed the insults were merely expressions of frustration. I convinced myself that if I could just do better or be better, things would improve. However, as time went on, I found myself more isolated. I distanced myself from friends and family, fearing their judgment and the shame that came with my situation.

The turning point came when I finally sought help from a therapist. This decision was monumental. My therapist educated me about the dynamics of emotional abuse, helping me to recognize the patterns I had been trapped in for so long. It was through our sessions that I began to rebuild my self-esteem, learning to value myself once again.

With newfound knowledge and support, I gained the courage to acknowledge the signs of abuse that had been so pervasive in my life. I began to take steps to reclaim my life, setting boundaries and ultimately making the difficult decision to leave the toxic situation.

My journey illustrates the critical importance of seeking assistance when faced with emotional and mental abuse. Recovery is possible, and with the right support, it is entirely feasible to rebuild your life. I am grateful for the help I received, and I hope my story can inspire others to recognize their worth and take the necessary steps toward healing.

Finding Help and Healing

If you or someone you know is facing mental and emotional abuse, consider these practical coping strategies:

Seek Professional Help: Therapy/coaching provides a safe space to explore feelings and develop strategies for coping with abuse. Many individuals in these fields specialize in trauma and can help victims work through their experiences. I know the guidance I provide has greatly helped my client's understand abuse and find healthy ways to move through it.
Build a Support Network: Connecting with trusted friends or family members along with support groups can offer much-needed understanding and encouragement. Feeling supported can significantly impact recovery.
Practice Self-Care: Engage in activities that promote well-being, such as exercise, meditation, or hobbies that bring you joy. Taking time for oneself can be a powerful way to counteract the negativity from abuse.
Educate Yourself: Learning about the dynamics of abuse empowers victims to understand their situation and take action. Trusted resources and books can provide deeper insights into mental and emotional abuse.

For immediate support, organizations like the National Domestic Violence Hotline offer resources and guidance for individuals facing abuse. Remember, reaching out is a strong first step toward healing.

Mental and emotional abuse is a silent struggle that can profoundly affect individuals and their relationships. By understanding its signs, symptoms, and consequences, we can better support those who are affected.

If you or someone you know is experiencing mental or emotional abuse, remember that you are not alone. Help is available, and recovery is possible. There is hope for a brighter future, where healing and strength can flourish. and I can say that as I am one that got there.

Truly you,

Christina